Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
