Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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