You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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