I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My vagina just recognized that song.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
