winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
