I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Help. Why am I so naked?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
