we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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