I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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