I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
