It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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