I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
