I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
