So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
