I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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