Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
