Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
