i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
