Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
