i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
