Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
