I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
