We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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