this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
