I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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