dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
