Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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