i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
