I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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