I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
