dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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