i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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