A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
