HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
