i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
