Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
