His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
