operation harelip BJ is a go
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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