Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
