My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
