Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
