If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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