3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
