think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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