I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
