don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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