If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
