I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
