I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
