You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
