I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
