$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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