Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
home. puking in laundry basket.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
