This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
